Update

I almost decided I was too turrred to write this, but important things have happened in the last 12 hours, and I wanted to make sure to update so my several (give or take) faithful readers know what's going on.

Unfortunately, it looks like my journey to the 2008 Olympics in Beijing is over. While the selectors haven't officially chosen the rest of the team yet, it's fairly safe to assume, based on how we all scored today, that Nancilea will be going to the Olympics for individual three meter and the team of Kelci Bryant and Ariel Rittenhouse will be going for synchro. I'm guessing I'll be in the running for the alternate spot in individual three meter, and I'm sure that we'll be named alternates (if they name alternates) for the synchro spot, but that seems to be about the closest I'll get.

I competed my final two individual and synchronized lists today. I'm proud of myself. I dove well. Just not quite well enough. Individually, I won list three and was 5th in list four. My score in the third list - 348.95 - was the second highest score I've ever had. I came back in the evening for synchro and also dove awesome. Nancilea and I were really in sync, and we scored higher on our first list today than we ever have before.

It just wasn't enough.

I've got a lot of emotions going right now.
Sadness - This dream that I've been training for and visualizing and really believing in so much during the past year is probably not going to happen this time around. I'm not going to get to pit my best against the world's best. I'm not going to have the honor of representing the United States at the Olympic games. These realizations hurt.
Happiness - it took a lot to come back from a two month break and be here, now, diving (almost) the best I've ever dove. I dove really well today. I carried myself well. I enjoyed competing.
Pride - Personally, I've grown a ton as a person in the last few weeks - even more in the last few months. It's been a roller coaster, one that has made me a stronger, tougher person. Frustration - It's hard not to imagine what could have been. If I'd had two more months of training instead of two months of sitting out with a bad back, where would I be right now? If I'd been doing my dives a week earlier, even, and had a week more confidence and a week more repititions under my belt (suit?) then this might all have ended up differently.
And in the end, I can't forget thankful - I'm thankful for my coach and my teammates. I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to compete today.

I feel like the carpet's been pulled out from under me just a little bit. Where do I go from here? What now? I think those are questions best answered tomorrow.