links

Just wanted to give a shout out to my fellow divers blogging about the games. Unlike me, these people actually are in Beijing! So for a real first hand account of what's going on in China, check out...

US Diving Team 2008 Blog: This blog is on the official US Diving team website, and is updated about once every day or two by various team members and coaches.

Nancilea Foster, Women's 3m. Springboard: Nancilea was my teammate in Houston, as well as my synchronized diving partner through trials, where we were second. She finished one place ahead of me in the individual event, earning herself a place on the 2008 Olympic team. She competed prelims today (which will be televised in the US later tonight on NBC) and did great! After missing her first dive, she hit all the rest and ended up in 11th place. Her blog is here: Like me, she's also part of the Lenovo blogging program, so you'll probably also come across her posts on the main website, summergames.lenovo.com.

Mary Beth Dunnichay, Women's Platform Synchro: Mary Beth is a really talented 16 year old (maybe? She might be 15 still!) Who competed for the US in Platform Synchro on Monday. She and her Partner, Haley, finished fourth. Mary Beth is also blogging for Lenovo.

Ariel Rittenhouse, Women's 3 Meter Synchro: Ariel competed synchronized 3 meter on Tuesday with her partner, Kelci Bryant. While she's done competing for this games, she updates the blog pretty regularly, so she's a good blog if you want current information.

Laura Wilkinson, Women's 10 meter: Laura Wilkinson, in addition to being another one of my Woodlands teammates and one of my favorite people, is one of two former Olympians on the 2008 Olympic Team, and the only one on the team who has medalled before - she won a gold at the 2000 Olympics! Her blog is being hosted by a local Houston website. She'll compete on wednesday, and thursday next week, and her contests will be shown (prelims) Wednesday from 11:30am-1:30pm, (Semis) Thursday from 12:30-2:00PM, and (finals) Thursday from 8:00-12:00PM.

Anyway, if you get a chance, check out my buddies :)

Chickity China

Note: The following is based on rumor and speculation and off-the-cuff observations. It's a blog entry, not a researched article, although this is a topic I'd like to look into more... It's interesting to me how different cultures end up producing different training systems, and sometimes, different results.
I started out with a question - "Why are the chinese so darn good at diving?" and tried to figure out an answer. I also recognize that I'm not exactly treating this group of divers / athletes / people as individuals, and i'm sorry for that, but I don't have enough info. So... take it for what it is, and i apologize if it's offensive.


Ah, the Chinese. Those dang Chinese. They've won 4 out of 8 golds already like it was nothing. No events so far have even been close. If Michael Phelps were a country, and his sport was diving, he'd be China.

A little about Chinese divers:

Chinese divers are "discovered" in their preschools by scouts who measure everything from vertical leap to width of shoulders to parents' height. They're then shipped off to private sports schools - around the age of five or so - where they sleep 5 to a room, wake at dawn, practice basic skills (no games... no competitions), and see their parents every few months.

Unlike American kids, Chinese children do not choose their sports - they are chosen. And once they are chosen - maybe I'm wrong, and it's true that I've seen more of this on paper than in real life - they're sort of just machines for a while.

The little divers hardly touch the water for their first few years of training. They certainly don't compete - they don't even dive! They drill and drill and drill, spending days, weeks, months, years conditioning their bodies, being physically stretched past normal breaking points, and repeating the tiniest of diving motions over and over again. They are not allowed to progress until they're perfect in the basics.

In America, we place so much emphasis on winning and losing - from the beginning, we are taught to play, to have fun, to enjoy the competition, to savor the game and to believe in the power of "a little something extra." Mommy and Daddy take their kids from one team, gym, pool, or rink to the next, trying to make their little children little winners. Learning skills don't matter as much as instant success.

Kids learn to rely on raw talent rather than developed skill. Because they begin competing before they've really developed much skill, they learn to think they can win without it. They can do what "feels right" or what "they've always done" and it will carry them as far as they want. I see that in myself - I think I've at least partially learned, throughout my career, how to practice and how to value learned skills as much as my own natural strengths - but it was a hard switch to make, and it would have been easier if I'd been better at the basics from the beginning.

Dig deeper, find that mental edge, go out there and compete and surpass your wildest dreams. And never forget to have fun. Isn't that what the sports movies tell us? Be an individual, be quirky, beat the system, beat the man. Bring a little something extra to the game, or the meet, or the match, or whatever it is you do from within yourself, and that's the trick. I think that's sort of why we all like the underdog - there's something more exciting and more worthy to us about someone coming from behind and beating the guy on top than about someone good enough and solid enough to be the guy on top.

I am NOT saying that any of the athletes currently representing the US in any sport have been slacking. Our men and women have worked their butts off, sacrificed tons, and done repetitions of whatever it is they do until collapse. And it's not like we're not successful... the US team is breaking records, meeting and surpassing expectations, and winning left and right. The US athletes currently training for the games probably work just as hard as the Chinese athletes currently training for the games. But... it's not the same system. We don't have scouts in every school, conditioning from dawn til dusk at age 5, parents who are happy to ship their children (in many cases, only children... this is, after all, China...) miles and miles away for the honor of their country's sports programs, and a government that pays 100% of the expenses of all up-and-comers in the program and 1000 times that to its eventual success stories.

I like to think that we have things on our side that they don't - while they were developing bodies, our athletes were developing passions and true love for the game. The act of choosing one's own destiny - which sport to play, how much time to devote to it, what directions to travel - that has to count for something. Maybe that makes us more innovative, and more able to withstand and excel under pressure. Maybe that makes us better at winning.

As the games continue, I hope the American Team will prove me right.

(A lot of the info and ideas in this post came from the following article... You should check it out, if interested!)

http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/20080804-9999-1s4olyrival.html

Everything but the kitchen synch

Lets see... results results results. The US was 4th in Women's 3 meter Synchro, 5th in Women's 10 meter synchro, 4th in Men's 10 meter synchro, and 4th again in men's 3 meter synchro. In three out of the four events that have happened thusfar, we were so close - within 5 points of a medal. Five points... let me put that into perspective. Five points, when you multiply by the degree of difficulty, take out highs and lows, and do all the other stuff that gets you from the judge's one-to-ten scores to the actual point total, means that if three of seven judges had scored one dive 1/2 point higher (7.5, 7.5, 7.5 instead of 7, 7, 7) we would have medaled. That's how close. Ouch!

Now there's a break, and then the individual lists. A friend of mine asked me yesterday who to watch during the rest of the diving, and after going through the list event by event "Well... you should definitely watch Women's Platform. Laura's great - she won gold in Sydney! But then... Troy in Men's 3 meter is really good and has a great shot of medaling... And so do Nancilea and Christina... And wow, David and Thomas are both really great at Men's platform..." I realized that I can't leave anyone out - US has talented, excellent divers in every event. Nearly each of the 8 divers who have yet to compete has it in them to medal. That's not saying they will... everyone probably has it in them to get nervous and mess up as well... But everyone is good enough to have a shot at it. I'm still not sure if I'll be able to watch my event - Women's 3m - without getting upset, but I am excited for our chances.

It's here!

The Olympics are happening!  I'm so excited for my teammates in Beijing right now.  Kelci and Ariel competed yesterday (or... I mean.. I guess, technically, it's called today.  The International Date Line always weirds me out a little).  They did great!  The team was fourth, just missing a medal.  I'm proud of them.  They're seventeen and eighteen, this is their first Olympics, and they competed like calm, steady, seasoned pros.  I'd say "Better luck in four years... they'll really be ready to win then!" but they're my competition, so I won't go overboard with the compliments :)

Next up... Men's synchronize 10 meter, Tomorrow (Today?  Yesterday? August 11, whenever that is.)  at 2:30PM, chinatime.  I have a feeling that Thomas and David are going to do really well.  Each of them is a spectacular individual diver, and they've been training together almost since they started, so they're very good at the synchro part of it as well.  They won this event at the 2007 Pan-Am games (which included athletes from North, South, and Central America) and they've earned bronze medals at several major world competitions.  

Go team!

Tara update

Here's the latest on Tara's situation.  I'd paraphrase it, but I think she can tell you in her own words better than I can: Tara's Blog

disclaimer, of sorts

I feel a little silly sometimes, still writing this blog for the lenovo summer games site when I am, in actuality, not at the summer games. I'm torn. I don't mean for this blog to sound like a pity party at all - i hope it doesn't. On the other hand... If I'm to write about the journey, then this is part of it, too. Not the fun part, and probably not the part that people really want to read about, but still, it's the journey. The aftermath, good or bad, is still part of the experience.  In a way, it's I guess it goes back to my original reasons for writing (As it says on my profile page on the summergames.lenovo.com site):

One of the reasons I read other peoples’ blogs is to experience and understand things that I don’t see in my own life. I’m hoping that my blog will give other people a sense of what I do, and what it means to be an elite level diver training to compete on the biggest stage in the world. I’m very grateful for the chance to spend my time doing what I love, and I appreciate the chance to share my experiences with others.

That hasn't really changed.  So I write on...

Team Sendoff

A lot can happen in a few weeks.

I moved from Texas to California, landed a job, began my temporary retirement, and started work at the Stanford Alumni Association.

My Olympian friends came home from Trials, got back to work, competed at nationals, and left for the Olympics.

They were all here yesterday. All the diving team members went through a day-and-a-half of processing (that is, getting official outfitting, final medical evaluations, media meetings, China briefs, etc.) at San Jose State. Since (from what I've been told) San Jose State's only diving board is more like a chunk of wood painted green, they came yesterday morning to practice at Stanford. I walked over before work (the Alumni Association Building is visible from the 10 meter tower) to see my friends.

There I was, in business clothes. Coaches kept saying how different I looked... Kenny (the Woodlands coach) made a predictable joke about how he hardly recognized me with my clothes on. There I was, in fancy shoes, slacks, jewelry, make-up... I can probably count on my hands the number of times I wore any of those things in the last year. Now it's daily uniform.

And there they were... Nancilea and Laura and David stretching on my mat, Thomas getting spotted on my trampoline, Kelci and Christina on my dryland boards. All of them talking and laughing because they share something, or rather, they know they are about to share something - the experience. Representing the US team at the Olympic Games.

It was hard - to be honest, it was one of the hardest moments since Trials. All these people I've competed against and fought with and learned to love over the last four years... and they're still diving, getting ready for the biggest show of their lives... and me, not so much.

Last night after work I went to San Jose State and hung out with Laura and Nancilea and the other girls in their dorm. They were all exhausted from the day's work - practice, meetings, collecting stuff, shipping boxes home. There were posters and big signs on poles up all over campus - They showed athletes competing. "Amazing Awaits," they said. I passed some weight lifters walking around the compound and rode the elevator up with a baseball coach. Everyone was wearing their new gear. It was fabulous to be able to talk with my friends, and wish them luck. I hope they do really really great. I sincerely do. They are fabulous athletes, and I want them to go out there and show their best.

They left early this morning on a direct flight from SFO to Beijing. They'll be there soon, if not already. Soon they'll be checking into the athlete village. Tomorrow, the Water Cube. I still just can't get over how much can change in 3 weeks.

Pool controversy

An interesting piece of olympic news: http://blog.seattletimes.nwsource.com/olympics/2008/07/hardys_dope_test_leaves_questi.html : The US Swim team has been training at Stanford for the last few weeks since their trials in Omaha. They leave either today or tomorrow for Singapore, then go straight from there to the games. Jessica Hardy, a competitor in the 100 Breast, 50 free, and 100 freestyle relay, apparently left a few days ago after receiving news that she failed a drug test taken at Trials. Now What? Technically, the cut off date for the swim team to change its Olympic roster was Monday, so the third place finishers in Hardy's events, Tara Kirk (one of my Stanford teammates) and Lara Jackson, are out of luck. There's a petition process where the USOC can go to the IOC and ask to allow in another athlete, but they may or may not use it. Probably, the spots will be filled by other athletes who are already heading to Beijing.

Tara's been in Ireland since trials, so she didn't receive word of this little snafu until sort of late in the game. How does it feel to be on vacation, in Ireland, trying to get away from it all and trying to get over the dissappointment of missing out on something you've been eating, sleeping, and breathing for four years by one one hundredth of a second, and then suddenly to get a text, or an email, telling you that you were second, actually - that your opponant was caught cheating - and that because they didn't catch her soon enough (by a couple days - that's all.) you still don't get to go to the Olympics? I can't even imagine... At least I can say "A sport's a sport, my opponents were good, It came down to the competition, and they beat me." But what does Tara say? "My opponent was using illegal drugs, but she beat me, and now it's too late..."

But then again, what about Jessica Hardy? The rumor is that she "slightly" failed one drug test sandwiched between two others, which she passed. And that the drug that she tested positive for is a stimulant used in asthma medications. So what if it was all just an accident? What do you do when you need a medication to keep you breathing, and you take it, and because it contains the barest trace amount of a substance that some group decided was performance enhancing, you're now s.o.l. for the dream YOU've worked for for the last four years. What if you competed and earned a spot in 3 different events, been drug tested after each race, and failed the drug test on your relay berth - the event in which you placed the lowest. What runs through your head then?

But what if it wasn't all just an accident? As athletes, we basically have USADA's "banned" list retold to us on a regular basis... how could you be so dumb, to let yourself take that asthma medication, even if you don't use it much, even if it only has small amounts of the drug in it?

I guess in the end I'm just thankful. Aesthetic sports like mine sometimes get a bad rap because the outcomes are decided by judges, rather than times and heights. My sport's not perfect. Yes, there can be bias, and politics, and subjectivity... but at least I don't have to worry about chemicals, and $500 suits, and state-of-the-art shoes, and all the things outside of talent and hard work that factor into other peoples' games. I'm really thankful that I don't feel the pressure to drink a special drink, or take a special pill - legal or no, the line is a fine one - to feel like I'm at the same baseline as my competitors.

The Roller Coaster

I'm back in California, training with Rick on the off chance that my duties as alternate (a.k.a as replacement) are required. Workouts have been pretty low-key. It's a very strange feeling, after months and months of practices in which my coach and I were so intense that it was sometimes scary. Medals are made in forges, Olympic medals especially. We turned up the heat because I had a dream, and a deadline. I didn't quite meet the deadline. So what now? I'm keeping my body in shape just in case, but the dream... it's still there, but on the back burner (Please excuse the pun.)

I've decided not to compete at Summer Nationals, which are at the Rose Bowl next week. It was a tough decision - on the one hand, I could have continued the improvement I showed over the last few weeks of Trials competitions, and really been ready to step up and put on a show. On the other hand, my goal meet has already passed. For the last month, I've felt like a ball in a pinball machine, or maybe a balloon that someone's blown up and then let go without tying. No complaints - the ups and the downs and loop-de-loos are one of the things that make diving, and sports in general, great. If you care about something, it's probably going to end up taking you for a ride at some point. If you don't care, why bother? I still love diving, and workouts are actually going quite well. I just don't need a nationals right now. I'm going to step off the roller coaster for a sec.

Currently, I'm focusing more of my attention on what one friend called "The life scavenger hunt."
X Short Term Money-maker
X Career Path
X House
X Roomates
X Etc.

Now that I'm virtually finished training for the 2008 Olympics, it's time for what my parents refer to as "gainful employment." The hunt is going well so far... I pulled up the old resume, which hasn't seen the light of day since a year ago, when I first graduated and was looking for scholarships and grants, and before that not since freshman year, when I applied to work for NBC at the 2004 Olympics. It's so funny.. I've experienced so much in the last four years, but work experience? It's a short list. So now it's time to condense my last four years into bullet points. But I was an English major... this is my bag, baby!

The Replacement

It's now final: I'm an officially designated "Replacement Athlete" in women's three meter and women's three meter synchro. I was the first runner up in two events. If any of the people ahead of me get injured, sick, or decide, spur of the moment, to take August off and go on vacation to Bali, I'll still go to Beijing.
But the chances of that happening are sort of negatory, so for now I'm resigning myself to the fact that I was... as they say... so close, yet oh so far away. I'm still training, just in case, but the pool's just not the same right now.
Life has been pretty crazy since I got back from Knoxville on Monday. I jokingly told Nancilea that I needed a big white board so I could make a flow chart, or maybe a bubble brainstorm of the rest of my life, but that woudl actually probably be pretty helpful. The questions are big: Keep diving, or no? If yes, take a break or no? If no, what then? If yes, what then? Where? With who? what else?
Yes, life is crazy. The one thing I do know is that I'm moving on Saturday (quick turnarounds, all around!) and I've still got a lot of packing to do. The rest of my future can start when I'm safely back in California.

Update

I almost decided I was too turrred to write this, but important things have happened in the last 12 hours, and I wanted to make sure to update so my several (give or take) faithful readers know what's going on.

Unfortunately, it looks like my journey to the 2008 Olympics in Beijing is over. While the selectors haven't officially chosen the rest of the team yet, it's fairly safe to assume, based on how we all scored today, that Nancilea will be going to the Olympics for individual three meter and the team of Kelci Bryant and Ariel Rittenhouse will be going for synchro. I'm guessing I'll be in the running for the alternate spot in individual three meter, and I'm sure that we'll be named alternates (if they name alternates) for the synchro spot, but that seems to be about the closest I'll get.

I competed my final two individual and synchronized lists today. I'm proud of myself. I dove well. Just not quite well enough. Individually, I won list three and was 5th in list four. My score in the third list - 348.95 - was the second highest score I've ever had. I came back in the evening for synchro and also dove awesome. Nancilea and I were really in sync, and we scored higher on our first list today than we ever have before.

It just wasn't enough.

I've got a lot of emotions going right now.
Sadness - This dream that I've been training for and visualizing and really believing in so much during the past year is probably not going to happen this time around. I'm not going to get to pit my best against the world's best. I'm not going to have the honor of representing the United States at the Olympic games. These realizations hurt.
Happiness - it took a lot to come back from a two month break and be here, now, diving (almost) the best I've ever dove. I dove really well today. I carried myself well. I enjoyed competing.
Pride - Personally, I've grown a ton as a person in the last few weeks - even more in the last few months. It's been a roller coaster, one that has made me a stronger, tougher person. Frustration - It's hard not to imagine what could have been. If I'd had two more months of training instead of two months of sitting out with a bad back, where would I be right now? If I'd been doing my dives a week earlier, even, and had a week more confidence and a week more repititions under my belt (suit?) then this might all have ended up differently.
And in the end, I can't forget thankful - I'm thankful for my coach and my teammates. I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to compete today.

I feel like the carpet's been pulled out from under me just a little bit. Where do I go from here? What now? I think those are questions best answered tomorrow.

Yesterday and Tomorrow

Yesterday felt like the longest day of my life. I think I spent more time in a suit than in clothes! I warmed up in the morning, then competed two lists of individual three meter in the afternoon, then competed two lists of synchronized three meter in the evening. The whole process will be repeated tomorrow, for a total of four competed lists of dives in each event. At the end of everything, a team of judges/selectors will look at our scores from this camp, as well as various other things including (but not necessarily limited to) our placement in Indianapolis, performances from other past meets, and the difficulty and consistency of our dives.

Overall, I'm not unhappy with how I dove yesterday. It was head and shoulders above my performance in Indy. I missed a couple dives, but I also dove aggressively, and with a love and appreciation for competing that I haven't felt since before I hurt myself in February.

In synchro, we weren't bad. I went long (overrotated) on my back two-and-one-half's in both lists, which I'm sort of mad about, but I worked on them a lot in practice today and I'm sure I'm ready to hit them tomorrow. The rest of my dives were great, Nancilea dove well, and we synchronized well together. We were second to the team of Kelci Bryant and Ariel Rittenhouse in both lists, so we'll have to come back strong tomorrow, but we're not out of it yet.

As for individual three meter, I scored 329.3 in list one and 326.4 in list two, and if you add up the points, I'm in third place overall behind Nancilea and Christina Loukas. Christina has already made the team based on her winning Olympic Trials in Indianapolis, so the only person ahead of me in the race for the one remaining spot is my synchronized diving partner.

In the end, for me, tomorrow will be about reaching my own personal goals. I have no idea how much my poor performance at trials will factor into the selectors' decision, or how well Nancilea, or anyone else I'm competing with, will dive tomorrow. There are a lot of things that are, at this point, completely out of my control that will factor into the decision of whether I make the Olympic team or not. My goal is to focus on the things that are in my control:

I'm going to live in the moment, one dive at a time. I'm going to focus on a few simple cues on each dive (relax your arms on the take-off of your front three-and-a-half, see your spots on back two-and-a-half, twist early on full out, etc.) without moving to the past (I went a little long on this reverse two-and-a-half on Thursday, so I have to make sure not to do it again!) or the future (what if I mess up? I can't mess this up or else I won't make the team!). When I'm standing on the stairs getting ready to climb up onto the platform, the past and the future are just unnecessary distractions. I'm going to enjoy myself. I can't do that by worrying about what the people in the stands are thinking, or worrying about what could go wrong. I can by realizing that I have trained hard the last few months, and I have all the tools I need to succeed.

I've got one more shot at this Olympic team, and it's tomorrow. All I can do is my best. My best may or may not be enough, but either way, I need to finish the day knowing that I've competed with all the heart and soul I have. If I know I've given everything, regardless of the outcome, I can walk away proudly.

Wish me luck!

also, if you want to watch the events live, go to www.divemeets.com and click on the live video button. I compete Individual three meter at 2:00 and Synchronized three meter at 7:00, eastern.

Ain't she pretty

Here's the diving well I gushed about in my last entry. (See what I mean about the squares?)

For the sake of balance, here's the other end of the pool.

This is (L-R) Michelle, Kaylea, Nancilea, and I hanging out on the cat walk. After the stairs reach the 10 meter platform, you can climb up a few more flights and really be up at the top.

The cat walk gives photographers a chance to take all kinds of cool pictures. Apparently I need either a sweeter camera or a bit more skill. THe sweeter camera should be coming soon - Lenovo is providing me with a flip cam to help documend my life for this blog! - it just didn't arrive in time to keep Justin Wilcock from photographing as a giant yellow ball of light.

Some more views from the top.

It's pretty high up! Just to give you some perspective, the platform you see sticking out is the ten meter platform.

Wow. I've really got to learn how to post pictures better on this thing. Everything's all over the place! Sorry if the captions are making you crazy...

Knoxville

Knoxville:

The natatorium here is new - 3 months new, in fact! This selection camp is (as far as I know) the first event that's ever been held here. The pool is beautiful. There are four one meters and four three meters, a hot tub, a cold tub, air-filled stretching mats (excuse me while I nerd-out, diver style)... chlorine that doesn't seem too hard on my hair... plenty of room on the deck... great lighting... ! The wall behind the platforms and springboards is made of orange and white panels, which makes the whole diving end of the natatorium look really amazing. It reminds me a little of Mondrian painting (I had no idea the guy was named "Mondrian" until just now. You can thank wikipedia for this reference!). I keep meaning to take some pictures of the pool... don't worry, it'll happen some time before I leave!

Practices have been good. We got here unusually early - I arrived on Friday, and won't compete til this Thursday! I guess that means I'm now halfway through the waiting game. Sometimes it feels like it's going by fast, and other times I'm not sure if we'll ever get to the third. For me, ime seems to warp when there's something major on the horizon, probably because I pay so much more attention to the hours, days, and minutes leading up to the event. (FYI: Two days and thirteen hours til go-time, baby.)

I'm liking the city of Knoxville. There's actually a lot of down time at meets - we spend a few hours practicing each day, and that's about it - so it's nice to be in a place where there are lots of restaurants and shops within walking distance. Our hotel isn't too shabby, but there's about an inch of crack underneath each door, which means that everything that goes on in the halls - doors closing, conversations with more-than-six-inch-voices, footsteps, room parties, kids on school trips sneaking out after curfew - is heard pretty clearly. Likewise, everything that goes on in the rooms - television, conversations, sweet monkey nay nay - makes its way on out into the hall. This has made it hard to sleep the first few nights here.

Two girls on our team - Kaylea and Michelle - bought a drawerful of art supplies, and we've all been making posters for each other. I'm not exactly an artist (the stick figure divers I drew on Michelle and Kaylea's sign look a little like aliens) but I've enjoyed the sign-making, for sure! Kaylea's mom bought three cowbells. There may be fewer spectators at this meet than at Indy trials, but we're doing our best to try to make the stands just as loud and colorful!

Airports are my second home

I leave for Tennessee in an hour. Quick turnaround, eh? I had to unpack last night so I could pack again. I realized at around 9:30PM that I probably should have done laundry sometime in the last few days, but oh well... maybe if I smell I'll intimidate my competition?

It's been a good week, practice-wise. We got rained out yesterday (or rather... lightninged out. We divers don't stop for a little rain - no way! The rumor is that a few years ago, lightning hit the tower, bounced across the pool to the three meter, then flew across a long stretch of cement to zap the swimming pool. The pools were empty... but if they hadn't been we'd all have been french fries. or popped corn. Or burnt marshmellows. Or charcoal. Take your pick of something hot and extremely unpleasant. But I digress...)
Anyway, the good news is that I'm feeling a lot more confident in my abilities than I was going into the last meet, which is vital. There's some tough competition in both the synchro and individual events. I can win, but to do so, I've got to go all out - no room for fears or mistakes!

Well, it's travel time in fifteen minutes and I still can't find my warmup jacket, so... au revoir...

The Journey Continues

Great news: Although originally, only the top six at Trials were supposed to qualify on to the selection camp and I was 8th, my coach and I submitted a petition asking to dive individual 3 meter there. US Diving has a petition process through which a top level athlete who has a strong chance to make the Olympic team and has a legitimate reason for missing a qualifying opportunity is given a second chance to qualify. My petition basically argued that I dove poorly at Olympic Trials because I was coming back from an injury, and that I would have a chance to make the team if allowed to compete at the selection camp. The committee of people-in-charge-of-such-things voted today, and it was accepted! The journey continues! Ole!

Success Comes in Cans...

(Not cannots!)

I got back from Indianapolis last night, five hours later than I was scheduled to arrive (I'm not sure how a direct flight from Indy to Houston with lovely weather at both ends managed to go so wrong... Probably a butterfly flapped its wings in Newark, or something.)

It was a long ending to a long week, lets put it that way. I competed in the prelims and semifinals of Olympic Trials on Thursday afternoon and evening. There were a few good dives, but I just kept second guessing myself. I ended the competition on Thursday in 10th place, which was disappointing. I had worked hard for this. I could dive a lot better, and I knew it!

I did some soul-searching on Thursday night, and realized a few things:

My mind was pretty far from where it should have been. I've had a major setback in the last few months - I was out for most of February and all of March with a back injury, and while the physical effects are now gone, I allowed the missed training to take a big bite out of my confidence. Confidence is a funny thing - I won the last 4 competitions I competed in before I hurt myself. I won one and three meter at NCAA Zones in March of 2007. I won one and three meter at NCAA's in March of 2007. I won three meter at Nationals in August of 2007. I won three meter at the World Cup Selection camp in January of 2008. I went to World Cup in February, hurt myself, and couldn't compete. I wasn't back doing my dives yet in time for US Nationals in April. And then I arrived in Indianapolis, hoping to win but secretly doubting myself. Not a good combination.

Friday morning, I had the best practice I'd had since before I hurt myself. Things that I had struggled with the day before were easy, and I was clear and confident with what I was doing. It felt like a reminder - this is you. this is what you're capable of. Saturday morning's practice was also great, and Saturday's competition was a lot better than either round on Thursday. Saturday just wasn't enough to get me out of the hole I'd dug for myself.

I placed 8th at Olympic Trials. Now, 8th at Olympic Trials is great, but when you go in hoping to win, 8th is about eighty times less cool. The winner (And nearly official member of the 2008 US Olympic Team) was Christina Loukas.

Luckily, I have one more chance. I'm going to Knoxville for the US Olympic Team selection camp on Friday, and competing there next week. I'll compete with my synchronized diving partner, Nancilea, to earn a spot in the synchronized three-meter event, and hopefully I'll also be invited to compete three meter for a chance at the second individual spot. My Olympic Journey definitely isn't over yet!

I've got some work to do this week. I need to completely banish all the negatives -- all the what-if's and the I-don't-knows -- and really just go for it. The competition will be stiff, but I can do these dives great. It all comes down to trusting the coaching and the training I've had over the last few years and believing in my abilities.

Pre-competition thoughts

Well, I compete today! The jitters have mostly gone away, and now there's just a lot of adrenaline.

My goals for this competition can be summed up by something that one of my favorite athletes said a few days ago:



(This is an excerpt from an AP article)

Woods had such a clean lie in the bunker that he might have gone for the green in two if the U.S. Open wasn't on the line. Instead, he hit a terrible shot to the right and into the rough, and had to hope that his 60-degree wedge was the right choice. It settled 12 feet away, giving him yet another putt that he couldn't afford to miss.
"A little wobbly down there," he said of the poa greens, a grass that gets bumpier in the afternoon sun. "I played probably 2 1/2 holes outside right. Just take it back and make a pure stroke, because once it starts slowing down there ... you don't know what's going to happen. All I could control is my stroke."
He started to backpedal as the putt neared the hole, paused to make sure it was in, then clenched and pumped both fists toward him in rapid-fire succession, screaming with joy with his face to the sky.

It's an old Zen saying - If you want to hit the target, you can't aim for it. I have to be able to get on the board and concentrate, not on hitting the dive ("hitting the dive" - v. - To do a great dive), but on controlling my stroke - on doing what I need to do in order to hit it. Diving happens too fast to think about everything and control everything. I have to focus on my cues - the really important things - and trust that muscle memory will take care of the rest. If I hold my hands up on my hurdle, focus on my armswing, and kick out of the dive on my spot, then the dive will be good without me worrying about any of the rest.



Not overthinking is easier said than done, especially when it's the Olympic Trials and fifteen great dives (five in prelims, five in semis, five in the finals) will get me a berth on the Olympic Team. It's really tempting for me to say "ok, this has to be perfect, so I need to focus on making every little move I make perfect, because I need to do the greatest dive I've ever done" but that's the wrong path. I need to trust my body and myself. I need to trust that I've practiced enough, and I don't have to do anything above and beyond what I do in practice. Extra thoughts, which slide all too often into being extra worries, won't help. I want to win. To do that, I have to believe in the training that's brought me this far.

Photos and Interviews (and lemurs)

After practice yesterday I got pulled over to do an interview for AT&T Blue Room, who will be broadcasting thursday and friday's events live over the internet. They took video of me making my "serious" face, then my "happy" face. In my head I kept thinking of that scene from Austin Powers where he's photographing models: "You're a tiger baby. Grrr. Now you're a lemur. Be a lemur baby, yeah." If any of you watch the AT&T Blue Room broadcast and there's a shot of me with a funny look on my face, it may be because I was trying to do a lemur impression.

I always feel a little silly interviewing. When I was in highschool and the local papers first came a-calling, I dreaded them. I was terrified that they'd ask me a simple question and something really dumb would come out. My mind would sort of freeze up and I'd keep forgetting words.

I've gotten better at newspaper interviews, even to the point that I enjoy some of them, but live ones still give me the heebie jeebies. I love the opportunity to express myself and help publicize my sport. I love writing. Blogging is great because I choose when to post, and I can edit as much as I want before I do. But live stuff, and things that involve other people trying to make their own stories out of what I say, is different - I worry that what I say won't really convey my message, or that my words will misrepresent me. I think, in the end, that most interviews end up sounding just fine, which should, eventually, teach me that it's silly to stress over them. But I guess I'm still a worrier when it comes to public speaking. I'm hoping that practice and time will help fix that.



Here are a few pictures that my mom took of me the other day.


This is me diving. I really like the boards at Indy, which is lucky, because we seem to have an awful lot of meets here!


There have been a lot of swimming, diving, and synchronized swimming trials at Indianapolis. Behind the boards are the names of all of the people who have qualified to the Olympics from Indianaplis Trials. The most recent is the 2008 Women's Synchronized Swimming team.


This is me and my synchronized diving partner, Nancilea. There won't be synchro at this trials - We'll compete for our spot in the 3 meter synchro event at the US Olympic Selection Camp, which will be in Knoxville in two weeks. The stands behind us are empty now, but they'll be completely full once the competition starts!


This is just a bunch of people waiting in line at practice. Every single one of us is in it to win it, but the sport of diving is also sort of like a family. Everyone knows each other, and we're usually a friendly bunch.

Indianapolis - Trials

I got to Indy, and trials, yesterday, after an easy, uneventful trip. I feel like my last few airplane flights have been all-day, airport-to-airport-to-airport affairs, and in the future I probably shouldn't underestimate the value of a nice, easy direct flight. This is sort of an ongoing battle between my coach, Rick, and I - He's all for staying in the nicest hotels, getting the most convenient travel arrangements, renting cars, the works... I'm usually fine with cheap hotels, bumming rides, and layovers (I think that's genetic). But hey... this is Olympic Trials. It's a good time to err on the side of comfort.

Hard to believe that four days - eight practices - stand between me and the meet. I'm competing individual three meter on Thursday afternoon. Semifinals are in the evening, and finals are on Saturday.

I'm also trying to make the Olympic team in Synchronized 3 meter, with my partner Nancilea, but they won't have any synchro events this week. All the synchro teams will be decided at a "Selection Camp" in two weeks in Knoxville. This is a weird trials, that way. Any other year, this meet would be IT. I'd fly in, dive my two events, and either place in the top two (individual) or top team (synchro) and be an Olympian, or else get third or lower and have to wait four more years for another shot. I'd know by the end of the week whether I was going to Beijing or not.

Now, only the winner of each event in Indianapolis will be named to the team. The top six in each event, as well as the top-level synchro teams, are invited to the Selection camp, where the rest of the team will be chosen. So the Trials will be over by Sunday, but two-thirds of the Olympic team won't actually be set for another three weeks.

Anyway, things are going well so far. Today's practices were exciting. I felt juiced, and just a bit nervous at first, but as I dove, I started to feel more like my normal self. I like my hotel, and it's fun to have so many teammates also at Trials (The Woodlands, which is the team that my coach and I have been training with since shortly after I graduated from Stanford, has 8 people competing at this meet! That's a lot!) I've come to a lot of big meets on my own, and while I know all of the other divers on the deck, it's nice to have great friends here that really share the excitement, stress, joy, and anticipation of Trials.

USA Diving Olympic Trials will be live on NBC from 3:30-4:30 on Saturday, June 21 and 3-6 on Sunday, June 22. My event - Women's 3m - will probably be on the later side of the time slot on Sunday!

Two days til Indy!

Two days til I leave for trials. TWO DAYS. I seem to have written a ton of catch-up emails to friends and family over the last week, and I always have to emphasize the countdown - SIX DAYS til trials... FIVE DAYS... FOUR DAYS... you get the idea. It's ridiculously soon! Indianapolis, Here I Come!

This is my second Olympic trials, but my first serious chance at making the team. It's amazing to look at how much my life has changed, and how far I've come, since then. I was a freshman at Stanford in 2004. I had just finished my freshman year when I competed at the last trials - In fact I emailed in my last final paper two days before I competed! In 2004, I surprised myself by moving on from the Spring Nationals qualifying meet to Nationals... then I surprised myself again by finaling at Nationals and qualifying, at the last possible opportunity, to Olympic Trials... Then I surprised myself again by making it through the prelims and semifinals of Olympic Trials to the finals! In the end I was 8th, and I was happy with that.

I won't be happy with 8th this time around. I've improved so much in the last four years. Since 2004, I've come into my own as a diver, won some national championships, upped the difficulty of my list, and gained a ton of confidence. I graduated from school last spring and moved down here, to The Woodlands, Texas a few months later. Rick, my coach from Stanford, came down here to continue training me as soon as his college season was over in April. My training situation in Texas couldn't be better - I get to train full-time with my synchronized diving partner, Nancilea, who lives here, along with eight other divers currently training for Olympic Trials (more than anywhere else in the country!). Plus, I get to have the coach who has gotten me to where I am, who knows my diving inside and out, and who knows exactly what to say and do to make my dives better.

Anyway, I compete at Trials next week, and I'm really starting to feel ready. I injured myself in February and couldn't get back in the water again until early april, and at times it's felt like the comeback process has been very long, and very slow. I've really only felt like myself again in the last week or two. Dives that were easy for me before the injury are easy again, and I finally feel free to concentrate on "the last six feet" before I hit the water. (In diving, entering the water with no splash is the most important part of the dive. You can jump as high and spin as fast as you want, but if you make too much spash on the entry, you won't get a good score. Thus, "the last six feet" are very important!) Anyway, every day in the past week has been better than the one before it. Ready or not, Trials, here I come!

All my dreams are waking up

A line from a song keeps running through my head:
"Right now, All your dreams are waking up."

And they are. The Olympics are something I've been dreaming about for... what feels like forEVER. I've worked out for thousands and thousands of hours. A fellow gymnast-turned-diver friend of mine and I once tried to figure out how long we've spend upside down in our lives - I think it came out to more than a few months, total. I've literally worn holes in the bottoms of my feet from walking on too many diving boards.

But that's beside the point. I'm not knocking the journey - I love what diving has brought to my life, and wouldn't trade it for anything - but when I lay in bed at night, I don't picture myself at practice. I picture myself, in Beijing, on the far right three meter in the Water Cube, with so many faces watching me that they blur together. I hear the sounds of a thousand people trying to be quiet, and I smell the chlorine and hazey dustiness that I've come to associate with pools in China. I feel the rough spots on the balls of my feet when I walk down that board.

I've seen it in my mind so many times, and hopefully, soon, it's coming up for real. Very soon - Right now I feel like I'm juuust in the last moments of The Calm Before The Storm. I leave for Olympic Trials in four days. Then everything happens in a row - US Olympic Trials in Indianapolis... two weeks later, Trials, part 2, in Tenessee (I'll explain more about that later). In three weeks, I'll know whether I'm to be an Olympian or not. A few weeks after that I go to US Nationals in Pasedena. If I make the Olympic team, I'll leave straight from there for Beijing. Then it's a week of training in China, a week of competitions, and it's all over. Ten weeks from now, the Olympics will be over.

The time has come, and all my dreams are waking up. Every moment counts. I won't get these moments back.